Has anyone ever told you “Don’t expect anything and you’ll never be disappointed”? I think many of us have at least heard someone say this phrase. Some people really believe that following this suggestion will make their lives better. It makes me wonder, is disappointment so bad?
“Expectations are premeditated resentments”. I’ve heard this one, too, most recently at an AA meeting. My HDC Addictions course requires that we attend 4 AA meetings. It is there where I began to ponder expectations. I believe there is an important distinction between expectations and hope. Expectations are specific. If you don’t get what you expect, you will be mad, disappointed, hurt, resentful, and so on. Expectations are well defined. Expectations involve maintaining control over your life, and often the lives around you. Expectations, however, are rarely communicated. Expectations are rarely met. I suppose that is where the first phrase comes from.
Hope is not specific. It is broad. It is outlook on life of looking forward to good things, but not defining exactly how those good things will come about, look like, taste like, etc. Hope is choosing to believe that God is in control. Hope is letting go. For example, someone may hope to marry someday. The alternative, to expect, would be to specify who, when, how, and where this marriage would occur. And if it doesn’t happen exactly how you planned, then you are crushed and angry.
Expectations don’t give much grace or wiggle room. Hope does. I have enjoyed the stimulation of thought that these AA meetings have spurred. I encourage you to get online and find an open AA meeting. Just go with an open mind and learn.
-Anna Oparah
I’ve heard so many good things about the AA program — and others have told me that attending a meeting is a powerful experience for everyone — whether struggling with alcoholism or one of the millions of other control issues that we all face. Thanks for sharing your experience.
thanks it was of help!